South Sudan: When Frustrations Can Best Be Expressed as Laughter

Sundays are the cooks day off so we are usually left to ourselves to find food and nourishment. We have 10USD per diem to do as we pleased.

Now, in the Philippines, this would have gone a long way because I know where to buy fresh produce to cook or I know where the carenderias are. In Juba, it is a totally different story because 10 USD which is approximately 2700 SSP is the cost of an average meal here. This leaves me with two options. First is to cook my own food which is impractical. I leave the capital in a few days so excess food will rot plus I only know two places to buy groceries, Lily's and Phoenicia. These are called khawaja (white man or foreigner) stores because only foreigners, mostly humanitarian aid workers, can afford to buy here. The second option is to eat out. This means one big meal and the extra, I will take away for dinner. 

Since I do not know where the cheap but clean restaurants that serve the locals are located and we only have one car to ferry all the expats around, I just follow where my colleagues eat. Today, they took me to a place they frequent and I was the only khawaja there. It was mostly men drinking beer and watching soccer or me, the stranger. And this is where my crazy Sunday afternoon started to unfold.

We found ourselves a nice spot with high chairs. I am just a few inches over five feet with a wrap around dress so just imagine me struggling. We then expectantly waited for a waiter to take our orders. After 5 to 10 minutes, we managed to grab the attention of the only waiter serving the restaurant. We ordered our drinks and then the food. I wanted the wet fish but I was told there was no fish. Then my friend, Juan, ordered pork, however, it was not available or so we thought. The waiter said that they were still buying the items from the market. My other companions Maria and Jose, wanted mutton and nyama choma (grilled goat). Thankfully, those were said to be available. So I said, I will just have vegetable rice and just double the amount of vegetables while Juan went for nyama choma.

While waiting for the food, we were served our drinks. As they were patrons, Maria already told us beforehand that you have to fight tooth and nail to get a glass in the restaurant. I just laughed it off and asked her why. It is a restaurant after all and a drinking glass is standard for all restaurants! She said that the manager told them the last time they were there that they do not let the customers use the drinking glasses anymore because it often gets stolen.

She had to talk to several people in Swahili before somebody agreed to give her a glass for the wine she ordered and it took the staff more than half an hour to find a glass to serve it on. Meanwhile, I just drank mine directly from the bottle as I do not have the patience to hassle the workers for a glass. Jose ordered wine as well but as they can only produce one water glass which they gave to Maria and he wanted his wine on a wine glass, he deferred.

After our bottles have gone warm then empty, we managed to catch another staff and the guys, as well as Maria, proceeded to complain about the quality of service. We were there for two hours already and we have not seen any sign of food coming. Hunger plus a fan that spat out hot air plus flies that sneakily enters my facial orifice or sticks to my lip gloss were already wearing our patience thin. The guy brought in his supervisor and gently prodded Maria to tell his boss about all our complaints. 

The boss said he will take our orders and even told me that fish fillet is actually available! That was a win for me because now my rice has a pairing! He even managed to magically produce a wine glass after Jose told them that sweet red wine is more expensive than the soda or beer they were selling. Everyone was happy at the table again and we resumed our conversation on how Khartoum's residents are protesting under the 50C heat of the sun and other current events happening in Africa. 

Then, in a few short minutes, we were given our bill to pay which we, in our confusion, initially refused as we haven't even been served! We laughed it off again out of frustration then paid it.

I was really hungry by then and the flies were too. When I checked my watch, I saw that it was already quarter to four. We have been there since 1pm. We have been waiting for our food to cook for three hours already. It is not as if everyone in the restaurant were eating. Everyone was drinking beer and we were the only ones who wanted to eat real food so three hours is more than enough to cook our orders.

I began calling each of the servers I see and asking them in my broken Arabic, "Ayna ani aqil? (Where is my food?) Liyesh? (Why?) Limaadha swaya swaya? (Why slow slow?) Min fadlak sura sura... (Make it fast please...)" Of course, I speak Iraqi Arabic which I managed to pick up in the plains of Nineveh from the people of Mosul but I know some of my words got through because after three servers, I finally got my food which was generously covered by plastic seran wrap.

My friends were telling me to eat before my food becomes cool which got me laughing again because how can food ever cool down in this 40C heat? It will stay warm! Then the waiting game begins again. One of the waiters told us that there was actually no mutton available. However, if we order another dish, how many hours of waiting would that be for us again? We have a 7 o'clock curfew to beat!

The food there was actually bland so I wanted to add pepper to my food and they say they also do not have it! What restaurant in the world does not have pepper! It is a much-needed spice when cooking right? So Juan just told the waiter if he can just provide us with a list of available items instead as almost everything we have ordered was not in stock.

After we finished our meal, I proceeded to pay the bill and asked the guy to wrap my left over because I was bringing it home. A little while later, I got an 800 SSP change. I asked the guy why and he said it was for the additional fish we ordered! He did not understand what I said at all which is no wonder because there were probably four waiters serving us at this point! There was no coordination at all!

I think when everything is overwhelming and frustrating, laughing it all off is the best cure. What more can we do? Being angry can't solve anything especially that we have limited transportation and restaurant options in the area! And because of this, I think I have had the best afternoon in Juba so far! For real!