My Verbal Diarrhea

The following is an actual answer given to a question in a UCLA chemistry mid-term.
The answer was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave - therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell since Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature
and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms Andrea Banyan during my Freshman year, that "...it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have not had sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true. Thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.
The student received the only "A" given!

"ITS 28TH OF JULY 2010, FIRST TIME IM DOING THIS. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY. UM, MAYBE ONE DAY YOU'LL WATCH THIS. JUST TO REMEMBER HOW HORRIBLE OF A DAY IT IS. YOURE IN SINGAPORE, YOU'VE BEEN CRYING ALL EVENING BECAUSE TOMORROW MORNING, YOU AND R WILL GO TO THE HOSPITAL HERE AND GET RID OF OUR BABY. IT DOESN'T MATTER NAMAN WHAT I THINK ABOUT IT BECAUSE THIS WAS HER CHOICE. I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG YOU'LL KEEP THIS AS A SOUVENIR, BUT THIS IS THE TEST. (WHISPER) THIS IS WRONG. THIS IS THE HARDEST THING (CRYING) THIS IS THE HARDEST THING YOU'VE GONE THROUGH BEFORE AND YOU'VE GONE THROUGH SO MUCH. AND WE HAVE TO BLAME OUR JOBS FOR THIS? THIS INDUSTRY THAT JUDGES YOU FOR THESE THINGS. THIS BUSINESS HAS MADE HER BELIEVE THAT WE HAVE TO TAKE THE LIFE OF OUR OWN CHILD BECAUSE NO ONE WILL FORGIVE HER FOR THIS. THAT THIS JOB WILL RUIN HER, SO WE AGREED THAT WE'D COME HERE AND GET IT DONE. BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER AND YOU JUST WANT HER TO BE OKAY. ITS NOT LIKE R IS HAVING AN EASY TIME WITH THIS TOO. ITS HARD ON ALL OF US. SHE SAID ONE DAY WE WILL SEE THIS AGAIN. AND MAYBE OUR JOBS WILL BE A LITTLE BIT EASIER AND MORE ACCEPTING ABOUT IT. ONE DAY YOU'LL LOOK AT THIS VIDEO, 20 YEARS FROM NOW, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU WILL STILL BE TOGETHER AND IT WILL STILL HURT. IT WILL STILL HURT LIKE HELL. (CRYING). YOU'LL BE SORRY FOR THIS YOUR WHOLE LIFE. I'LL BE SORRY FOR THIS MY WHOLE LIFE. IM SORRY FOR THE BAD CHOICE WE ARE ABOUT TO MAKE. ITS HARD FOR BOTH OF US. NOBODY WANTS TO DO THIS. I KNOW OTHER CELEBRITIES HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SUCCEED AFTER THIS PROBLEM, IF IT IS EVEN A PROBLEM, I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S A PROBLEM. BUT YOU KNOW, HER PARENTS ARE TOUGH ON HER. HER STATION, HER CHANNEL, HER MANAGER IS SO TOUGH ON HER THAT IT HAS MADE HER FEEL THAT HAVING THIS BABY, IS JUST NO OTHER OPTION. I KNOW R IS YOUNG. MAYBE ONE DAY WHEN WE'RE OLDER, WHEN SHE IS OLDER, THAT WE WONT HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS. I DON'T BLAME HER. THE PRESSURE ON HER IS SO GREAT. THAT I KNOW SHE FEELS LIKE SHE HAS NO CHOICE. SO THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT R. ITS NOT. I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO BE YOU IN HERE, IN THIS SITUATION. ITS JULY 28, 2010 AND IM SITTING INSIDE THE HOTEL. THE RITZ-CALRTON IS SINGAPORE AND WE'VE BEEN FIGHTING ALL NIGHT ABOUT THIS. IM DOING MY BEST TO TRY TO KEEP YOU SAFE. AND ALL THIS FIGHTING IS TAKING A TOLL ON US. I WISH WE COULD HAVE THIS CHILD. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. THIS JOB IS SO DIFFICULT. ITS SO DIFFICULT. IM SO SORRY. I'LL BE SORRY FOREVER. AGAIN, ONE DAY YOU'LL WATCH THIS. MAYBE WHEN YOURE AN OLD MAN. YOU'LL REMEMBER HOW DIFFICULT TODAY WAS. AND I HOPE YOU WATCH THIS AND I HOPE BY THAT TIME I'LL BE MARRIED AND I'LL HAVE A FAMILY THAT I CAN TRY TO MAKE IT UP TO. YOURE GOING TO DO SOMETHING REALLY WRONG TODAY. IM SORRY FOR THAT. THIS IS BUSINESS IS SO SO HARD. THIS BUSINESS IS SO HARD ON ITS EMPLOYEES. I GUESS ALL BUSINESSES ARE. I DON'T KNOW. ITS OUR FAULT I KNOW. WE CANT REALLY BLAME OUR JOBS BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE DID IT. BUT UM, I UNDERSTAND."

RA 7160 or the Local Government Code resulted in both the improvement and deterioration of the health care delivery system in our country. In 1993, the health services were devolved or transferred from the Department of Health to the local government units that mostly were perpetually cash-strapped. All the provincial, district and municipal hospitals were turned over to the provincial governments and the rural health units and barangay health stations were given to the municipal government.

LGUs were given internal revenue allocations commensurate with their income. The poorest municipalities, therefore, receive the lowest allocations. This impacts on the provision for health and other public services for people who need them most. Some LGU’s were only interested in the purchase of supplies and medicines. There was untimely or decreased procurement of drugs, medicines and supplies by LGU officials. There was also a decline in maintenance of infrastructure and under financing of operational costs of services and hea;th facilities. There was decreased health center utilization.

Health workers morale was affected as they are often torn between the conflicting health and political objectives of the LGU. Devolution clipped their career opportunities’ as there was lack of professional advancement. There was a loss of managerial and fiscal control of hospitals by hospital administration. Their security of tenure and professional autonomy were threatened by local politicians. District hospitals then were not able to attract doctors especially surgeons.

The health referral system was weakened. If the catcment area cut across political/ administrative unit, operations are hindered by by limits of jurisdiction. This acts to restrain cooperative health activities such as technical supervision, health referral communications, sharing health information, joint health planning and cost sharing. Classic example would be, if you are from Tacloban City, hence the Romualdez’ turf, you can only go to City Hospital and not the Leyte Provincial Hospital because that is the Petilla’s territory.

Due to inadequate regulatory mechanisms for health services, there is a resulting poor quality of health care, high cost of privately provided health services, high cost of drugs and presence of low quality drugs in the market. The health care delivery system was also inapproriate. There is an inefficient and poorly targeted hospital system, ineffective mechanism for providing public health programs on top of health human resources misdistributions. These all contributed to the epic failure of the devolution of our health care system.

For my final report in Psychiatry, I chose this topic to make an essay on. I texted my Lolo Danding ( Eduardo O. Apa) throughout the creative process; frequently asking questions and translations. Little did I know that four days later on October 18, 2011 he will go to heaven.

This helped me a lot on my mourning and grieving process. It also helped me and my family perform the necessary rituals.

It is my hope that this essay help prepare you as it did to me. The italicized grey words are add ons from what I have experienced during Lolo's wake and burial.

Mourning is our way of dealing with our grief over the death of someone. It is a cultural complex of behaviours in which the bereaved participate or are expected to participate.

In the Philippines, there are regional differences. This is no wonder since we are made up of 7,107 island. Our Christian beliefs are still peppered with animistic beliefs. The Spanish and Chinese has also greatly influenced us on how we mourn.

Our Thoughts on Kamatay (Death)

Filipinos has always believed in life after death. As a predominantly Christian nation, it is within this premise that we try to do good deeds and repent before our time is up.

Upon death, the body should be blessed by the priest to ensure that the soul is going to heaven. This is called Santolana. This is also performed on people who are in the brink of death.

The “Lamay/Daraw/Nagtataguminatayan” (Wake)

The Waray waray wake is known as lamay, daraw or nagtataguminatayan. This typically lasts from five days and up until a relative from a far off land arrives. It is a social event very much like a family reunion. Everyone is gathered and all personal business stops except for those which are necessary. Family members would often file a leave so that they could keep vigil.

If the dead is a female, it is dressed in a white dress and if it is a male it is dressed in his best barong tagalog. No jewelry and shoes are worn. Socks are optional. A cut rosary is then placed on the deads hands. The dead is then placed in an open casket.

Their best framed blown up picture is placed on top of it together with a box for the ambong or abuloy (contribution), a variety of mass cards from the mourners and lanterna (light made of coconut shell, oil and wick). If justice needs to be served, a chick is placed on the glass part to knock on the conscience of the wrongdoer. On the inside part of the casket lid, ribbons with the name of the family members are pinned.

The casket is then surrounded by ornate lights and coronas (wreaths). The coronas would sometimes be made from fresh flowers or colored paper. A ribbon would then be taped across it with the mourners name on it.

The wake is often held in the dead persons house but if you are living in Tacloban and you are well off it will be more likely held in a funeral home. On the entrance to a wake, you can find a guest registry book. This is often largely ignored. (One mourner even wrote the amount of his abuloy on the address part. I got a laugh from that.) In the 1990’s Funeraria Gomez was the choice of the well to do. These days, St. Peter’s is the more popular choice with its easy payment plan, one stop shop and high tech live streaming of wake.

The family members, relatives, and acquaintances are expected to take part in the vigil. They are also expected to wear either black or white clothing. It is a mortal sin to wear red and any other loud colors. Black mourning pins are worn on the left breast.

No laughing is allowed. It is expected that you wear a sombre face, be respectful and to never crack a full smile during the wake or funeral. Everyone talks in hushed voices. You greet the bereaved when you arrive but never ask for their permission when you leave.

Biscuits and other foods are customarily served together with coffee. Mah jong and other card games like tong its and sikitsa are also played to defray the costs and to keep the people awake. There should always be one person awake to accompany the dead.

Concerned visitors would usually ask the surviving family members how the deceased died, if he or she suffered during his or her illness or last moments, or how much the hospital expenses were and what the burial cost is.

Expressions of grief varies. For women they would either openly cry out, flail their arms and repeatedly ask “ Kay ano mo ak guin bayaan?” (Why did you leave me?”). You would usually observe this on the news. Without the camera though, the atmosphere is more serious. There is less dramatics. The men on the other hand put up a tougher facade and are more reserved.

Other people would also offer mass, novenas, and prayers for the benefit of the deceased. Mamaratbats are also present to chant prayers during the wake.

The “Lubong” ( Funeral and Interment)

As a public display of bereavement, the funeral and burial service acknowledge the real and final nature of death. It counters denial.

On the burial date, the casket leaves the house feet part first. An old lady with a bowl full of water and kalipayan leaves will shower the concoction on you. If you have already left the house, you are not allowed to walk back in.

During the lubong or funeral, a mass will be held. The relatives are urged to pass under the casket before the procession would ensue. The coffin is then either carried on the male relatives (never from the immediate family) shoulders towards the cemetery or else on a hearse. When a hearse is used, “ Hindi Kita Malilimutan” would be repeatedly played along with “ The Warrior is Still A Child”. The casket and its bearers leads the procession towards the cemetery followed by relatives, friends and acquaintances in that order. If the cemetery is just a short distance the mourners would usually be on foot. This is called “pagdul ong”.

The head goes in the pantseon first. Mourning pins and flowers are then sent off together with the casket six feet under the ground.

One doesn’t immediately head home from a funeral. He must instead take a circuitous route to avoid the dead persons spirit from following him home. Upon reaching home, you should wash your hands in the kalipayan concoction which by now is in a dirty brown color.

` The funeral and burial gathers support for the bereaved. It encourages tribute to the dead, unites the family and facilitates community expression for sorrow.

The Days After

After the burial, the Catholics with the help of the mamaratbat would offer prayers for the dead every evening for nine days. This is known as the pasiyam . On the ninth day, the family will prepare lots of food for the relatives and friends. It is believed that on this day the soul of the departed relative moves on from the world of the living. Prayers will still be offered to the dead for three more days and this is called amen.

On the ikakwarenta or forty days after this, a similar event will be held. It will still have prayers and eating. On these forty days you are not allowed to visit your dead relative. This will then be repeated on every death anniversary or tapos. This allows a continous emotional support, coming to terms with reality, remembering, emotional expression and conclsion of unfinished business with the deceased.

For a year, the family will show their mourning by not holding personal or family celebrations. Weddings are avoided for fear of sukob which brings in bad luck.

All Souls Day or Kalag Kalag

A few days prior to All Saints Day or Undas (November 1) and All Souls Day (November 2), the relatives would visit and clean the grave sites. They will be painting the tomb a new coat of white. In some parts of the country, they paint it pink or blue.

On November 1 itself, they would go to the cemetery to say prayers, light candles, and to lay flowers. As a child, I remember hopping from one tomb to another to gather candle wax. I then roll them into a ball.

Food and tuba would often be brought and laid on top of pancheon. There will be singing and merry making. It is like having a picnic!

On this day, there is a fiesta like atmosphere in the cemetery. This might be the reason why it is also called the Fiesta hin mga Minatay.

These ceremonies and beliefs protects the survivors from isolation and vulnerability. It also set limits on their grieving.

All of these things reflects our Filipino identity and consciousness. Our mourning practices are products of years of various cultural influences on how we deal and cope with our grief.

This since time immemorial our practice of private grief and public mourning.

Sources:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mourning

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Funeral_practices_and_burial_customs_in_the_Philippines

Cranial bones "PEST OF 6":
Parietal
Ethmoid
Sphenoid
Temporal
Occipital
Frontal
6 to remember

Orbit: Bones of the Medial Wall
"My Little Eye Sits in the orbit."
Maxilla (frontal process)
Lacrimal
Ethmoid
Sphenoid (body)

Superior Orbital Fissure ( structures passing through):
Lazy French Tarts Lie Naked In Anticipation Of Sex
Lacrimal n.
Frontal n.
Trochlear n.
Lateral n.
Nasociliary n.
Internal n.
Abducens n.
Opthalmic v.
Sympathetic n.

Foramina of the Base of the Skull:
3 foramina of the anterior part (teeth and palate)

Incisive fossa
Greater palatine fossa
Lesser palatine fossa

3 SMALL foramina of the middle part (Small Sized Opening)

Sternomastoid foramen
Foramen Spinosum
Foramen ovale

3 LARGE foramina of the middle part (Laceration of artery and vein)

Foramen lacerum
Carotid canal
Jugular foramen

3 foramina related to the occipital condyles

Anterior condylar foramen
Posterior condylar foramen
Foramen Magnum

3 fissures of the base of the skull (one related to the eye, ear, mouth)

Inferior orbital fissure
Pterygo-maxillary fissure
Squamo-tympanic fissure

Foramen Ovale Contents

OVALE

Otic ganglion (just inferior)
V3 cranial nerve
Accessory meningeal artery
Lesser petrosal nerve
Emissary veins

Trigeminal Nerves ( where branches exit the skull)

Standing Room Only

Superior orbital fissure is V1
foramen Rotundum is V2
foramen Ovale is V3

Foramen spinosum (location on base of skull):

Foramen spinosum is adjacent to the spine of sphenoid

Scalp Layers:

SCALP (from superficial to deep)

Skin

Connective tissue

Aponeurosis

Loose areolar tissue

Pericranium

Scalp Nerve Supply:

GLASS

Greater occipital/ Greater auricular

Lesser occipital

Auriculotemporal

Supratrochlear

Supraorbital

Cranial Sutures

Learn Cranial Sutures

Lambdoid
Coronal
Sagittal

Facial Bones

Zoro Likes Punching My Very Nose In

Zygomatic
Lacrimal
Palatine
Maxillary
Vomer
Nasal
Inferior concha

Mastoid bone (muscle insertion):

Log Suddenly Struck my Mastoid

Longissimus capitis
Splenius capitis
Sternomastoid

Vertebrae: number of facets a typical thoracic has:

Typical Thoracic has Ten Facets

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I’m going with male.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

The Blind Item that Was

Mo Twisted Rhian

Epic Fail: Devolution and the Philippine Health Care Delivery System

Waray Waray Mourning Rituals: Private Grief and Public Mourning

Animaze Cosplay 2011 as Shizuka Miyaka of HOTSD

Skulls and Cross Bones

Atty vs Witness

My Verbal Diarrhea

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